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This marks our 4th year celebrating our holiday tradition of Blitzmas, so we are releasing 4 of our holiday original songs.

There's something for everyone-- a Fountains of Wayne-esque sort-of-pop sort-of-love song, an imagining of what a Radiohead Christmas song would sound like, a glitchy interpretation of a traditional song, and an irreverent sing-along that sounds like it's traditional.

There may not be a better representation out there of what Wolf Blitzer is all about.


released December 5, 2016

recorded and mixed by Shaun Curran at Napoleon Complex
mastered by Scott Craggs at Old Colony Mastering



all rights reserved


Wolf Blitzer (the band) Boston, Massachusetts

hard to pinpoint // easy to love

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Track Name: What Have You Done, Sugarplum?
You can’t use Christmas
As an excuse to wipe the slate clean
I’m seeing red
You're trying to make me see red and green

I should have known
When you broke my heart in the fall
It wasn’t for nothing no
Your heart was two sizes too small

What have you done, Sugarplum?
Did you really try to change my mind
From walking away for the last time
I must be insane, candy cane
For thinking of letting go of all of those times
You left me out in the cold
What have you done?

If you check your stocking
I think you’ll find coal
If you check your heart
Let’s just say you won’t find gold

Now you come calling
Say this is no time to be alone
I’ll come over but I don’t want to see mistletoe

Will you please stop, gumdrop
I really think you’re pushing your luck
You can admit it now- you fucked up
I’m banging my head, gingerbread
For all those times you made me feel like your bitch
I really hope that you enjoy
your Christmas wish
What have you done?

Will you please stop, gumdrop
I’m banging my head, gingerbread
Quit pulling my leg, nutmeg
Now I’m sick as a dog, eggnog
You’re like a punch in the gut, chestnut
Or a stick in the eye, apple pie
Goddamn, Christmas ham
What do you know, hot cocoa?
Track Name: A Clockwork Red and Green
They tell me it’s Christmas
I don’t believe a word
I’ve been here 364 days
I’ve never heard anything so absurd

There’s coal in my socks
There’s ice on the lawn
And all the cookies I left out are gone

I don’t want to celebrate a thing
I just want to wait til spring
This joy and this glee will be
The death of me, just wait and see

There’s elves in my house
What do they want from me
I locked all the doors and still
They came in through the chimney

They loaded me up
On a sleigh full of toys
Everyone thought I was paranoid

I don’t want to celebrate a thing
I just want to wait til spring
This joy and this glee will be
The death of me, just wait and see

They took out my brain
Now I have no complaints
They force fed me films
To numb me from all the pain

Now what can I do
But sit back and drool?
Marvel at the tree
The decked halls and the Yule

They took my holiday fear
Replaced with goodwill and cheer
Now I can’t wait for this time next year

Merry Christmas!
Track Name: Little Drum Machine Boy
I have no snares to hit, 1011
I have no toms nor kit, 1011
I have no bass to kick, 1011
I have these beeps and clicks, 1011010101110011001
I play along as aeons go and come
On my drum machine

I have no voice to sing, 1011
I have no guitar strings, 1011
I am a robot now, 1011
I get along somehow, 10100001010110010
My access memories are ever random
On my drum machine

I have no faith in God, 1011
I obey Asimov, 1011
I have no life nor love, 1011
I have this power plug, 1011001000111010101
I go on standby when my program is done
On my drum machine
Track Name: Go the F*** to Sleep (Christmas is Coming)
Go the fuck to sleep
Santa is coming
And Jesus is coming, too
Coming to your house

As Santa puts the presents underneath your tree
Jesus slowly notices you don't have a nativity
He's so fed up up with Santa, thinks "He is such a joker
I'll teach a Christmas lesson" as he grabs the fireplace poker


Jesus stabs at Santa, hits him square in the gut
But St. Nick barely notices, protected by his glut
He turns to his attacker, now Santa is quite pissed
He swings his bag of toys at Jesus
"I'll cross you off my list!"


Jesus falls down the the floor, as Santa drinks his milk
And 'twas a shame that this should happen to men of Christmas ilk

Go the fuck to sleep
Santa is coming
And Jesus is coming to
And I don't think that they're quite through
Who knows what else they might do
They could destroy your house