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1.
You can’t use Christmas As an excuse to wipe the slate clean I’m seeing red You're trying to make me see red and green I should have known When you broke my heart in the fall It wasn’t for nothing no Your heart was two sizes too small What have you done, Sugarplum? Did you really try to change my mind From walking away for the last time I must be insane, candy cane For thinking of letting go of all of those times You left me out in the cold What have you done? If you check your stocking I think you’ll find coal If you check your heart Let’s just say you won’t find gold Now you come calling Say this is no time to be alone I’ll come over but I don’t want to see mistletoe Will you please stop, gumdrop I really think you’re pushing your luck You can admit it now- you fucked up I’m banging my head, gingerbread For all those times you made me feel like your bitch I really hope that you enjoy your Christmas wish What have you done? Will you please stop, gumdrop I’m banging my head, gingerbread Quit pulling my leg, nutmeg Now I’m sick as a dog, eggnog You’re like a punch in the gut, chestnut Or a stick in the eye, apple pie Goddamn, Christmas ham What do you know, hot cocoa?
2.
They tell me it’s Christmas I don’t believe a word I’ve been here 364 days I’ve never heard anything so absurd There’s coal in my socks There’s ice on the lawn And all the cookies I left out are gone I don’t want to celebrate a thing I just want to wait til spring This joy and this glee will be The death of me, just wait and see There’s elves in my house What do they want from me I locked all the doors and still They came in through the chimney They loaded me up On a sleigh full of toys Everyone thought I was paranoid I don’t want to celebrate a thing I just want to wait til spring This joy and this glee will be The death of me, just wait and see They took out my brain Now I have no complaints They force fed me films To numb me from all the pain Now what can I do But sit back and drool? Marvel at the tree The decked halls and the Yule They took my holiday fear Replaced with goodwill and cheer Now I can’t wait for this time next year Merry Christmas!
3.
I have no snares to hit, 1011 I have no toms nor kit, 1011 I have no bass to kick, 1011 I have these beeps and clicks, 1011010101110011001 I play along as aeons go and come On my drum machine I have no voice to sing, 1011 I have no guitar strings, 1011 I am a robot now, 1011 I get along somehow, 10100001010110010 My access memories are ever random On my drum machine I have no faith in God, 1011 I obey Asimov, 1011 I have no life nor love, 1011 I have this power plug, 1011001000111010101 I go on standby when my program is done On my drum machine
4.
Refrain: Go the fuck to sleep Santa is coming And Jesus is coming, too Coming to your house As Santa puts the presents underneath your tree Jesus slowly notices you don't have a nativity He's so fed up up with Santa, thinks "He is such a joker I'll teach a Christmas lesson" as he grabs the fireplace poker [refrain] Jesus stabs at Santa, hits him square in the gut But St. Nick barely notices, protected by his glut He turns to his attacker, now Santa is quite pissed He swings his bag of toys at Jesus "I'll cross you off my list!" [refrain] Jesus falls down the the floor, as Santa drinks his milk And 'twas a shame that this should happen to men of Christmas ilk Go the fuck to sleep Santa is coming And Jesus is coming to And I don't think that they're quite through Who knows what else they might do They could destroy your house
5.

about

This marks our 4th year celebrating our holiday tradition of Blitzmas, so we are releasing 4 of our holiday original songs.

There's something for everyone-- a Fountains of Wayne-esque sort-of-pop sort-of-love song, an imagining of what a Radiohead Christmas song would sound like, a glitchy interpretation of a traditional song, and an irreverent sing-along that sounds like it's traditional.

There may not be a better representation out there of what Wolf Blitzer is all about.

credits

released December 5, 2016

recorded and mixed by Shaun Curran at Napoleon Complex
mastered by Scott Craggs at Old Colony Mastering

license

all rights reserved

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about

Wolf Blitzer (the band) Boston, Massachusetts

hard to pinpoint // easy to love

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