1. |
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You can’t use Christmas
As an excuse to wipe the slate clean
I’m seeing red
You're trying to make me see red and green
I should have known
When you broke my heart in the fall
It wasn’t for nothing no
Your heart was two sizes too small
What have you done, Sugarplum?
Did you really try to change my mind
From walking away for the last time
I must be insane, candy cane
For thinking of letting go of all of those times
You left me out in the cold
What have you done?
If you check your stocking
I think you’ll find coal
If you check your heart
Let’s just say you won’t find gold
Now you come calling
Say this is no time to be alone
I’ll come over but I don’t want to see mistletoe
Will you please stop, gumdrop
I really think you’re pushing your luck
You can admit it now- you fucked up
I’m banging my head, gingerbread
For all those times you made me feel like your bitch
I really hope that you enjoy
your Christmas wish
What have you done?
Will you please stop, gumdrop
I’m banging my head, gingerbread
Quit pulling my leg, nutmeg
Now I’m sick as a dog, eggnog
You’re like a punch in the gut, chestnut
Or a stick in the eye, apple pie
Goddamn, Christmas ham
What do you know, hot cocoa?
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2. |
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They tell me it’s Christmas
I don’t believe a word
I’ve been here 364 days
I’ve never heard anything so absurd
There’s coal in my socks
There’s ice on the lawn
And all the cookies I left out are gone
I don’t want to celebrate a thing
I just want to wait til spring
This joy and this glee will be
The death of me, just wait and see
There’s elves in my house
What do they want from me
I locked all the doors and still
They came in through the chimney
They loaded me up
On a sleigh full of toys
Everyone thought I was paranoid
I don’t want to celebrate a thing
I just want to wait til spring
This joy and this glee will be
The death of me, just wait and see
They took out my brain
Now I have no complaints
They force fed me films
To numb me from all the pain
Now what can I do
But sit back and drool?
Marvel at the tree
The decked halls and the Yule
They took my holiday fear
Replaced with goodwill and cheer
Now I can’t wait for this time next year
Merry Christmas!
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3. |
Little Drum Machine Boy
03:54
|
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I have no snares to hit, 1011
I have no toms nor kit, 1011
I have no bass to kick, 1011
I have these beeps and clicks, 1011010101110011001
I play along as aeons go and come
On my drum machine
I have no voice to sing, 1011
I have no guitar strings, 1011
I am a robot now, 1011
I get along somehow, 10100001010110010
My access memories are ever random
On my drum machine
I have no faith in God, 1011
I obey Asimov, 1011
I have no life nor love, 1011
I have this power plug, 1011001000111010101
I go on standby when my program is done
On my drum machine
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4. |
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Refrain:
Go the fuck to sleep
Santa is coming
And Jesus is coming, too
Coming to your house
As Santa puts the presents underneath your tree
Jesus slowly notices you don't have a nativity
He's so fed up up with Santa, thinks "He is such a joker
I'll teach a Christmas lesson" as he grabs the fireplace poker
[refrain]
Jesus stabs at Santa, hits him square in the gut
But St. Nick barely notices, protected by his glut
He turns to his attacker, now Santa is quite pissed
He swings his bag of toys at Jesus
"I'll cross you off my list!"
[refrain]
Jesus falls down the the floor, as Santa drinks his milk
And 'twas a shame that this should happen to men of Christmas ilk
Go the fuck to sleep
Santa is coming
And Jesus is coming to
And I don't think that they're quite through
Who knows what else they might do
They could destroy your house
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5. |
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